Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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