my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
there is glitter all over my balls
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