I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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