i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
