i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
