My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
