The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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