She said her name was "party"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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