I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
