He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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