All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
