i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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