It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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