i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
