I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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