It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
