I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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