Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
