my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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