I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Come share oat with me in your robe
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
