Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
