There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize