i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
