i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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