i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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