Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
