Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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