dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
