It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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