home. puking in laundry basket.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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