Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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