Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
