She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
