just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
