i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
