Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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