If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
