I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
