Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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