oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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