we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
