He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
