So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
