i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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