Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
