I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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