I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
