with your own penis?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
