i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
