Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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