CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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