Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
