Nicole vs. Life
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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