Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
