You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
