I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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