So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They have beer where we have blood.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
