those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
