you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
