i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
