We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
