You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
