Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just gargled with NyQuil
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
