I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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