How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
