oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
