I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
