i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
