atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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