Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
