I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
