my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
