You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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