I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Shame is for Republicans.
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