so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
