i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
