Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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