i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
