I think I died a long time ago.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
