My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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