You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
