i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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