He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm passing your future prison.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
