after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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