Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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