see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize