Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
