He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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