And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
