You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
